The wierdest Wedding!

The weirdest Wedding! Current mood: amused
I have to vent on this wedding I attended this weekend! It was so out of this world I am still in shock!
Location: Flaming Geyser Park
Theme: Hawaiian
Overall Feeling- Berserk! Remind me to never get married if this is what it is like!
Okay so I arrive 5 minutes late thinking what a putz! But no the groom is sitting on a bench with his head in his hands pouting that he has a headache.. and the bride is wandering around in her bikini. This goes on for an HOUR! We are just sitting there going "um what are we doing?" Finally someone says "okay have a seat". Come to find out you were supposed to bring your own chair! Everyone finally mingles in sitting on laps and the dead brown grass, and NOTHING happens. We just sit there. The sun beating down, no one speakingjust sitting some more. Finally, someone says "where are the groomsmen?" I don't know... Everyone is shouting, carrying on, searching. No one has any idea. 10 minutes later they appear beer run to the store in hand. Nice!
Okay so we are ready. The bride goes into a little tent thingy to (by tent I mean a blow up Hawaiian decor arch, with black plastic garbage bags duct taped to the front and rear)...uhhh appear I guess. Keeping in mind she has her hair done up, and has added one of those clip on extension things that are multy colored. So she stands there in her plastic blowup archway/tent and starts screaming "Mom turn on the music, MOM, Mom turn on the music." Who promptly does nothing! So the crowd just starts humming the wedding march after a minute of horrid silence. "Dum dumm dum dum, dum dum dum dum" But here is the funny part.. ****hum "Here comes the bride all dressed in white" **** She leaps out of her blow up tent/archway and promptly leaves her hairpiece on the doorway. She screams says "STOP" and runs back to get it and put it back on! We have to start the processional Hum AGAIN!
By this time I am dying! I can barely contain myself! The rest of the crowd is completely calm. I didn't make a sound but internally I am in hysterics! Brie and I are looking at each other for support.
They procede and I believe what the minister had to say was nice, but no one else could hear it for the whole 15 minutes it was a wedding, and the picnics carried on, and planes flew overhead. The good news is they bride and groom weren't even looking at each other so the didn't need to hear either. At one point I know he said to look into each others eyes and say some words... The groom had his sunglasses on and wouldn't take them off, so I guess they stared at their own reflections. They were supposed to join hands and say their vows... so they held one hand and staired at the ground, or up at the sky, sometimes they made faces, and once they actually looked at each other! Finally he announced they were married and could kiss the bride. Um he didn't... I think he forgot.
Holy hell! I think I have had about enough of weddings for awhile. So if you know of a good one maybe I can be redeemed. But until then if I have to provide my own chair, if we are supposed to float down the river, and bring our own food... I think I will pass. Oh, and if you're not really into your wedding, just DON'T get married! Save us the divorce fees.